The single biggest limiting factor for reaching the success you want in life is your own self-talk. You need to ‘Release the Brakes’ by changing your self-talk and getting out of your comfort zone. You limit your success by listening to negative self-talk that tells you can’t do something because either you haven’t done it before or because of the fear of failing. Everything that you enjoy doing and everything that you’re good at was something new that you tried for the first time at some point in your life. As we ‘mature’, we tend to set more limits on what we believe we can do, and we tend to get more comfortable with our current situation. If you’re not satisfied with any facet of your life, consider what’s holding you back and move forward with the courage to try a different approach. Also, replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations of the future condition that you desire. Visualize that new future and use self-talk that speaks as if you are already living that new future, i.e. ‘I have a loving and mutually supportive relationship with my adult children!’. Release the Brakes and stop holding yourself back from the success you want in life.

Our freedom isn’t free as it was earned and has been maintained for over 240 years through the hard work and sacrifice of many people over the years. What occurred on January 6, 2021, should be a wake up call to all of us that we can never take our freedoms, our form of democracy and our Constitution for granted. What can you do about it? Contact your state and federal elected officials and demand that they stop the hyper-partisan and dysfunctional behavior and return to representing all the people of their district’s and not the special interest groups or political parties. Do you part to maintain our freedoms because freedom isn’t free!

That is how I replied to the two women who insisted I was a hero for going to a drag brunch (see picture) and being in a gay bar with my gay son. They were adamant that my wife and I were heroes because most parents of LGBTQ children aren’t accepting of their children for who they are and certainly wouldn’t go to a gay bar with them. The sad part is how many LGBTQ children are not accepted by their parents for the special people they are just because they don’t fit the parent’s mental model of how they want their children to be. Being ostracized or shunned by their parents has a tremendously negative lifelong impact on an LGBTQ child’s life. If you’re reading this and struggling with trying to accept your LGBTQ child, just recall the joy, excitement and love you felt when that child was born. That child is still the same child albeit older and more mature but still the same child deserving of a parent’s love and support. Their sexual orientation or gender identify is not “a choice”, it’s just a part of who they are since the day they were born. Their sexual orientation or gender identify is such a small part of the total person that it should not be a wedge that drives a parent and a child apart from each other. My son James is a smart, responsible, fun, and very talented young man. His sexual orientation is important to him, but it doesn’t matter to me as long as he is happy and a good, contributing member of society. I couldn’t imagine wiping away the amazing, shared experiences I’ve had with James over the last seven years since the day he told me he was gay, nor could I imagine not having him as an important part of the rest of my life just like his three straight siblings. Now that we’re nearing the end of Pride Month, let’s reflect on our relationships with all the LBGTQ people that are in our lives whether they’re family members, co-workers, neighbors or just someone we run into while out in public, and embrace them with the same love and respect that we give to everyone else in our lives.  Your life will be better for it!

Coaching is one of the key skills that sets exceptional leaders apart from average leaders. Yet, the most critical skills for coaching are not well understood and not widely practiced. One of the most important skills for coaches is understanding that telling the other person what to do is not very effective coaching. This stems from our history with coaches and how we were coached when playing youth sports. As young participants in just about any sport, we are exposed to ‘coaches’ who believe they’re job is to tell the athletes what they need to do continuously while they’re competing. We’ve all seen the coach who paces the sidelines constantly barking orders at the players from start to finish of the game. This is too late for real coaching. In fact, that is not very effective coaching at all. The most effective coaching occurs prior to the competition and consists of the coach providing information, demonstration, encouragement, correction, and feedback during practice and allowing the athlete to compete with a minimum of ‘telling them what to do’. Coaching also best occurs in a safe environment separate from the competition so the performer can try without repercussion for failure. The coach then provides the appropriate level of feedback, correction, encouragement, and support needed for the performer to try again and again, if necessary, to master the skill during practice. This is true coaching and builds new skills and high levels of performance more effectively than the coach barking orders at the performer when the game is on the line. It’s the difference between the Bobby Knight style of barking orders and the John Wooden style of excellence in practice and preparation. No one won more NCAA Men’s basketball titles than John Wooden, and no one likely ever will. Be an exceptional coach by putting your energy into proper coaching technique in a safe practice environment and then let your ‘players’ compete with skill and confidence!

For many people who are struggling to realize the level of success they desire, the cause is they aren’e clear about what success means to them. A great first step is the get clarity about what is most important in your life, (spoiler alert – it’s probably not money) and then define your personal success about ‘why you’re here’. What makes you unique? What talent and skills do have that can contribute to bettering the world around you? What inspires you to get out of bed and take action? What’s the why behind everything that you do? Spend some time to answer those questions and use those answers as the ingredients to develop your own ‘Purpose Statement’. Put into writing ‘why you’re hear’ and share it with others and use it to establish your goals and daily routines. Soon you’ll discover the enriching and rewarding life you’ve been searching for all your life. 

Human beings are social animals and not machines. We need not only interaction with other human beings but we also have a need to feel like we belong at home, at play and at work. Michael Stallard points out in his book Connection Culture that connection is the X Factor of successful cultures. It is the responsibility of leaders to be intentional about building cultures where employees feel connected. Stallard points out the three main aspects of connection as Vision, Value and Voice. Leaders who share and engage their employees across the three aspects of Vision, Value and Voice will build more successful and more sustainable organizations. Organizations capable of ‘Sustained Superior Performance’. How are you connecting with the people you lead? Does your organization have a culture of Connection, Control or Indifference? Build a connection culture and you’ll build a successful organization!