There is no better time than right now to start asking for the things you want. When I get to this point in my workshops, we literally stop and the participants take out their phones and they call someone to ask for something. The process is simple and powerful.

1. Make a list of the things you want that you don’t ask for at home or work.
2. Write down next to each item how you stop yourself from asking. What is your fear?
3. Write down next to each item what it is costing you to not ask.
4. Write down next to each item the benefit you would receive by asking.
5. Consider what you need to ask for in each of the following seven categories.

a. Financial

b. Job and career

c. Fun time and recreation

d. Health and fitness

e. Relationships

f. personal projects and hobbies

g. Contribution to the larger community

6. Start asking.

7. Periodically update your list as you get what you’ve asked for and keep asking!

Most people like to help others succeed but they won’t activate unless they receive a specific ask. Stop hesitating and start asking to get the success you want in life! Ask as if you expect to get it. Have a positive frame of mind when asking.

I recently played in a charity golf event with a couple of former co-workers to raise money for veteran’s causes in the memory of the deceased son of another co-worker named Jorge. The son died while serving in Iraq at a very young age. As we were making our way around the golf course, one of my partners began reminiscing about how much he enjoyed Jorge’s leadership when he was the general manager of the manufacturing operation where we all worked. He went on and on about how one of the first things Jorge did when he came on board was to walk around the facility on all three shifts and meet every single employee. This was a facility of about a half a million square feet with over 1,100 employees across three shifts of operations. Jorge stopped in every work cell on every shift to meet each employee and he asked questions about each employee and their home life including family members. My partner went on to say what was most impressive was when he came back around several months later, Jorge remembered the names of his sons and asked how their soccer seasons were going. The impact this had on my golf partner was so deep he literally said it made him willing to follow Jorge through a brick wall. What was it that made him feel so strongly about Jorge as a leader? It wasn’t that he was the smartest, most charismatic or the hardest working leader he had worked with, it was how much Jorge showed that he cared about and connected with the people he led.  What can you do as a leader to connect better with your co-workers and the people that you lead? What simple actions can you take that will demonstrate that you care about the people you lead, and you have their best interests in mind? Check out the website www.connectionculture.com for more information on how to build a culture of connection with your co-workers and the people you lead. Your organization, the people you lead, and you will be better off for it.

Asking for what you want is one of the simplest and most powerful success principles and yet, most underused. Why are so many people so afraid to ask for what they want? Usually, it’s because they are afraid to hear the word ‘no’. This lack of willingness to ask for what you want will hold you back from realizing the success you want in life. Getting a ‘no’ in response is no reason not to ask because it is a zero-risk strategy as you are no worse off than when you started if you get a ‘no’. This applies to whether you’re asking for information, help, a raise, time off to care for a sick relative or money for a start-up business. Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen wrote an entire book about how to ask called The Aladdin Factor. Listed below are a few tips from the book.

1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Have a positive frame of mind when asking. 
2. Assume you can. Don’t start with the assumption that you won’t get it.
3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Make sure the person is qualified to give you what you’re asking for.
4. Be clear and specific. Vague requests will get vague responses that will likely require multiple follow-up questions.
5. Ask repeatedly. Persistence is one of the most important principles of success. Children are excellent at this principle as they will ask the same person over and over again for what they want with out hesitation usually resulting in getting what they want.

This principle is so powerful because you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You are risking more by not asking than you are by asking. Take the time to write a list of things you want that you don’t have at work, home, or school. Next to each one, write down how you stop yourself from asking. What is your fear? Next write down what it is costing you not to ask. Then write down the benefit(s) you would get if you were to ask. Use this process to get you beyond your fear and start asking. Don’t be afraid to be an “askhole” and you’ll realize more success in your life!

The mark of a great leader is someone who creates other great leaders not someone who creates lots of followers. Being a true servant leader that allows others the space and security they need to grow and develop as leaders and not just follow blindly is a much more effective approach to developing future leaders than the old ‘charismatic’ or ‘command and control’ method of leading as those approaches tend to stunt development of future leaders. One of the key tenants of servant leadership is the aspect of putting a high priority on the growth and development of the people they lead. What approach are you using to develop future leaders? Checkout the resources available at the Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership if you’re interested in developing yourself as a true servant leader.

The single biggest limiting factor for reaching the success you want in life is your own self-talk. You need to ‘Release the Brakes’ by changing your self-talk and getting out of your comfort zone. You limit your success by listening to negative self-talk that tells you can’t do something because either you haven’t done it before or because of the fear of failing. Everything that you enjoy doing and everything that you’re good at was something new that you tried for the first time at some point in your life. As we ‘mature’, we tend to set more limits on what we believe we can do, and we tend to get more comfortable with our current situation. If you’re not satisfied with any facet of your life, consider what’s holding you back and move forward with the courage to try a different approach. Also, replace the negative self-talk with positive affirmations of the future condition that you desire. Visualize that new future and use self-talk that speaks as if you are already living that new future, i.e. ‘I have a loving and mutually supportive relationship with my adult children!’. Release the Brakes and stop holding yourself back from the success you want in life.