We are often our own worst enemies when it comes to realizing the success we desire in life. We sabotage our own success by being too willing to accept the limitations that others attempt to place on us. This happens when we accept even well-meaning comments from people we like and trust such as “that’ll never work”, “you can’t do that” or “why don’t you just stick to what you know will work”. Those comments when accepted and acted upon, act as a wet blanket being thrown over or ambitions for building a better life for ourselves. In addition, we often get turned down for promotions or have our ideas rejected for a variety of reasons, some legitimate and some not. Look to the ‘Big Why’ you have for pursuing your better life and ‘Reject Rejection’ by continuing to move towards your goal. There are plenty of famous examples to draw on such as Thomas Edison continuing to pursue the electric lightbulb after dozens of failed attempts or Michael Jordan not making the varsity basketball team as sophomore and using that as motivation to work harder and get better. You don’t need those examples for you to realize the success you desire. You only need to connect with your inner motivations for realizing the success you want to provide the courage and energy to ‘Reject Rejection’ and keep pursuing your goals. 

One of the biggest failures of most business-related college programs, bachelors or masters level, is they don’t include any elements of developing the ability to engage others as a part of the curriculum. Most business degrees focus on the intellectual aspects of business and not the human aspects of business. In my 30+years of experience working with dozens of different senior leaders, almost all of them were very smart individuals, but not all of them were highly effective leaders. The best leaders I worked with were not only very smart individuals they were also very good at building a culture of engagement. Building a culture of engagement is not something you can buy; it must be built by the leader through consistently connecting with the people he or she leads on a daily basis. It is built by connecting with all stakeholders on an emotional level and can’t be accomplished simply by demanding it. The person at the top needs to set the example through his or her words and deeds and also hold others accountable to a high standard of treating all others with respect, connecting with others on a human level and valuing everyone else as a person and not just a worker. That approach over time will create a culture of engagement that is far more productive and profitable than a workplace built on lots of rules and a command-and-control approach.

Few of the most important and meaningful elements in our lives are easily obtained. Doesn’t matter if those elements are healthy relationships with family members, a financially secure retirement, or a nice house to all home, few of the best things in life are easily obtained. They all take persistent effort over time to obtain, acquire or achieve. Whatever your hopes and dreams are for the remainder of your life, the extent to which you realize your dreams will depend to a great extent to how persistent you are in achieving them. I had a friend in high school who wanted a job at the local K-Mart. Several of his closest friends, including me, were already working there. It was a good job for a high school student as it paid a little better than minimum wage, had flexible hours, and you were able to work with many of your friends. He decided he wanted to get a job there so he came to the store, asked for an application and turned it back in. He was rejected because there weren’t any openings. What did he do? He did the same every week for over twelve weeks until he got hired! He didn’t give up because it was that important to him. That job helped pay for his technical school degree and he eventually became a highly skilled Tool and Die Maker. That one continuous effort to secure that job had a lasting impact on his life. Next time you feel frustrated with coming up short for accomplishing one of your dreams, remember, you will only fail if you fail to keep trying. 

Discretionary effort can not be mandated! It’s a true statement. Think about it. What is the likely impact of demanding someone give additional effort? There might be a momentary increase in effort and productivity if the person feels threatened enough but is likely very short lived and will be replaced by returning to the previous performance level or worse. So, what is the best way to motivate people to perform better? It’s through engaging them at a higher level not through threats or making higher demands. There are many elements to increasing engagements and it is a topic worthy of the many books that have been written about engagement, so I’ll focus on just a couple of high-level concepts in this post. First and foremost, people need to be set up for success. They need a clear picture of what is expected of them. They need the basic tools, equipment, information, and or resources to deliver the expected results. And lastly, there needs to be an emotional connection to a higher purpose. They need to understand how what they do matters; they need to feel someone cares about them and that they matter not just as a worker but as a human being as well. There are several very good resources for more information and tools for increasing engagement. Checkout what the Gallup organization has to offer and checkout cultureconnection.com headed up by Michael Stallard for a deeper understanding of the importance of engagement in the workplace and for many tools and resources to help build your leadership skills.

The refusal to give up is often what separates people from realizing or not realizing their dreams and enjoying the success they desire in life. I don’t usually share personal stories, but I will in this case. In my mid-50’s I ruptured the ACL in my left knee but didn’t seek medical treatment right away and I kept up my active lifestyle of jogging and bicycling. It’s no surprise that the pain and functionality of my knee continued to deteriorate but I nonetheless decided to add playing baseball to my activities. It was clear I needed to do something with my knee so I began seeking medical treatments to repair my knee so I could continue my active lifestyle. 

I met with at least five orthopedic surgeons who all gave me the same options. They all pretty much said some form of ‘you’re too old to repair your knee and you’re too young to replace your knee’. They told me to stop doing anything that caused pain and wait until I got older to do a full knee replacement. Stop jogging, stop playing baseball, stop hiking and anything else that caused pain. Even worse, they all told me I shouldn’t plan on jogging or playing baseball after a total knee replacement. It wasn’t acceptable to me that before I even turned 60 years old that I would have to give up many of the activities that I loved doing. I didn’t’ give up. I kept searching for a surgeon that had the skill and the desire to help even athletes in their late 50’s to return to a healthy, active lifestyle. On January 7th of 2020, I had two major operations on my left knee. I had my ACL reconstructed and a partial knee replacement, putting titanium plates  where my cartilage used to be. The surgery was the easy part and was over in about 4-5 hours. As anyone who has ever had major knee surgery knows, the hard part is the physical therapy that follows the surgery. After six months of diligently following my rehabilitation plan, which included 2-3 hours a day of activities, I jogged/walked four miles on July 4th and I returned to playing baseball on July 11th. On July 18th, I returned to playing catcher with my surgically repaired knee. The surgeon that performed the surgery shared the same goal that I had, to return to full activities ‘fitter, faster and stronger’ than before the surgery. The main reason this return to a full and active lifestyle happened is because I didn’t give up after talking to the first five or six surgeons who told me my playing days were over. So, when you’re struggling to reach the success you desire, remember the most famous line from the most famous speech given by Winston Churchill, “…never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense.”